somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
