we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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