I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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