She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
