just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
