Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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