It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
