I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
