; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
