Your mouth is God's brothel.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
