Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
