The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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