This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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