we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
