Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
