Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
