Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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