Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You can't motorboat a personality
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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