i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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