i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
