Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I love you. Go after that dick
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