it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
