I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
