I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
