I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
either way he was missing a nipple.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
