Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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