opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
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