I'm really into asian looking animals
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
