Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
