I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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