I'm really into asian looking animals
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
