who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
