why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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