I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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