Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
