Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
