the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
