Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
