Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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