If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
