Pappa wants mamma naked
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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