My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
