Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
