Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
