I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
