Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
