I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
