we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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