i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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