I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
