So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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