I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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