Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I will be naked everywhere
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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