You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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