I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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